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ninja · 10-31-2007, 01:39 PM

My 2 yr old daughter has been staying 45 mins away at my mother's house. She is there with her grandparents, her great grandma, her great grandaunt, her aunt, and her 2 cousins. (it's a big house). They are out in the country. I live in the city where I just got a promotion at a really good job and am about to take classes to get my degree in business management. I have my own 2 bdrm apt. Sometimes my daughter comes on the weekends but sometimes i work on wkends. Her father wants to be with me but i choose not to because we've been off and on for almost 4 yrs in an unhealthy relationship. Recently he made me feel like crap about her being with my parents. It was my parent's idea though. They say she needs stability and not to be around us arguing and that it saves me money on childcare right now. My daughter should be able to stay with me for good by Christmas. Am I doing the right thing? I feel blessed to have such wonderful parents, but is this good for her?<br />to Chelsea Y- I can't right now because my boss gave me mandatory overtime. i don't go out to the country very often because it's way past her bedtime by the time i would get out there so I stick to seeing her on weekends. I work as a property manager and by Christmas my hrs should be different because I'll be leased up and I will be making $3 more an hr to afford childcare during the day for her. To Adrianne M- I cry about this all the time. I don't want to put my job over her but I don't know what else to do but make as much money as I can right now. With a better financial situation I will be able to work, take classes, and live with her, but i don't know many POOR people who do that and that's why people fall into welfare. My family is like the Cosbys, very loving, fun people and they love having her there. To everyone else- thanks for the input, I feel alot better. This is so emotionally hard!<br />

Richard · 10-31-2007, 01:39 PM

is not the best thing but you're nor doing wrong.
is one of those things you really care about but you're working hard for a better income condition, so dont feel bad. youre a very good mother

simsim · 10-31-2007, 01:39 PM

anything that you that is going to bring you success and financial freedom so as a single mother you can take care of your child and yourself is never wrong. I have a friend who did the same thing but it was for 1 year and her kids were 2000 miles away, but she is now stable has her kids and lovers her job/career. Dump your ex and focus on yourself and your little Angel.

hansen · 10-31-2007, 01:39 PM

I think it's good and bad because your getting your life together to help you and her but at the same time it's very unhealthy to stay away form your children for a long peiord of time but like i said its for yall you know. so i say do your job and then get together but try to spend more time with her or see her more.

sound · 10-31-2007, 01:39 PM

As long as your daughter is being taken care of, and her present environment, is stable and happy, then yes, but only for a short while. Once your schedule balances out , then she needs to be with you. In the meantime, visit her as much and as often as you can.

50cents · 10-31-2007, 01:39 PM

You are doing the right thing for your daughter you have a stable and safe place for her you are planning for your future and you keep in touch with her and also you are blessed with a family that truly cares about you and your daughter fantastic!! good luck to you and your daughter and Merry Christmas to you all

murin · 10-31-2007, 01:39 PM

I feel if you want your daughter to have a healthy, stable childhood you need to make your home healthy and stable and bring her home. She needs her Mommy.

If your relationship with her dad is so bad break it off. He can still be apart of his childs life. And stop fighting in front of your child (I know it's hard, but you know she shouldn't hear that). Bring your daughter home.

50cents · 10-31-2007, 01:39 PM

look as long as you are only doding this to better your life so that you can provide a safe and stable environment for her thats fine im a single mom with a 2 year old daughter too i have had no help and have been fighting to stay above water her dad is not even in the picture and when he was he did the same thing ... i charish every moment with my daughter and hate that i dont see her as much as i would like because she spends about 10 hours a day at the baby sitters but when i have her i make it count and you should too and when you can provide the right environment around christmass and the two of you have each other again the bad times will be well worth it and you can tell your x to back off you are doing the best you can and your best is always the right thing

Gorby · 10-31-2007, 01:39 PM

It's not about what others think. I think that perhaps you can work to get a big house for you and your daughter but al that matter is if she is happy. And you are blessed.

I left a bad relationship right after I gave birth to my son. I would have been homeless after I left the hospital giving birth to my son. I was working with my son's father even after I left him it was hard and stressful but my mom took me in told me that if I'd quit my job she'd help me support my son while I went back to school to get my associate degree.

I could have stayed with my son's father we'd have lived in a big house and my son would have a mother and a father, but he was selfish and emotionally abusive. People judge me about that saying I should have stayed, but I feel like I'm doing what is best for my son.

Just keep God first and don't listen to people. My Dad used to say "Opinions are like butts everyone has them & they stink."

Gainer · 10-31-2007, 01:39 PM

I know it is so hard to work and be a single mum at the same time, It is ok to get help as in future your daughter will benefit from all of this, plus it only temporary not permanent so no i don't think you are a bad mum, you are looking into the future and seeing what could be
Why cant you stay a few nights at your grandparents place, as you say it is only 45 min away and that you would be able to spend more time with your daughter and you might not feel as bad as you do
You are doing what you think is right at the moment, don't worry everything will turn out alright and you and daughter can benefit from it all

10-31-2007, 01:39 PM	#1
ninja Greenhorn Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 14 Rep Power: 0	Does this make me a bad mother? My 2 yr old daughter has been staying 45 mins away at my mother's house. She is there with her grandparents, her great grandma, her great grandaunt, her aunt, and her 2 cousins. (it's a big house). They are out in the country. I live in the city where I just got a promotion at a really good job and am about to take classes to get my degree in business management. I have my own 2 bdrm apt. Sometimes my daughter comes on the weekends but sometimes i work on wkends. Her father wants to be with me but i choose not to because we've been off and on for almost 4 yrs in an unhealthy relationship. Recently he made me feel like crap about her being with my parents. It was my parent's idea though. They say she needs stability and not to be around us arguing and that it saves me money on childcare right now. My daughter should be able to stay with me for good by Christmas. Am I doing the right thing? I feel blessed to have such wonderful parents, but is this good for her?<br />to Chelsea Y- I can't right now because my boss gave me mandatory overtime. i don't go out to the country very often because it's way past her bedtime by the time i would get out there so I stick to seeing her on weekends. I work as a property manager and by Christmas my hrs should be different because I'll be leased up and I will be making $3 more an hr to afford childcare during the day for her. To Adrianne M- I cry about this all the time. I don't want to put my job over her but I don't know what else to do but make as much money as I can right now. With a better financial situation I will be able to work, take classes, and live with her, but i don't know many POOR people who do that and that's why people fall into welfare. My family is like the Cosbys, very loving, fun people and they love having her there. To everyone else- thanks for the input, I feel alot better. This is so emotionally hard!<br />

10-31-2007, 01:39 PM	#2
Richard Greenhorn Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 18 Rep Power: 0	Does this make me a bad mother? is not the best thing but you're nor doing wrong. is one of those things you really care about but you're working hard for a better income condition, so dont feel bad. youre a very good mother

10-31-2007, 01:39 PM	#3
simsim Greenhorn Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 16 Rep Power: 0	Does this make me a bad mother? anything that you that is going to bring you success and financial freedom so as a single mother you can take care of your child and yourself is never wrong. I have a friend who did the same thing but it was for 1 year and her kids were 2000 miles away, but she is now stable has her kids and lovers her job/career. Dump your ex and focus on yourself and your little Angel.

10-31-2007, 01:39 PM	#4
hansen Greenhorn Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 17 Rep Power: 0	Does this make me a bad mother? I think it's good and bad because your getting your life together to help you and her but at the same time it's very unhealthy to stay away form your children for a long peiord of time but like i said its for yall you know. so i say do your job and then get together but try to spend more time with her or see her more.

10-31-2007, 01:39 PM	#5
sound Greenhorn Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 4 Rep Power: 0	Does this make me a bad mother? As long as your daughter is being taken care of, and her present environment, is stable and happy, then yes, but only for a short while. Once your schedule balances out , then she needs to be with you. In the meantime, visit her as much and as often as you can.

10-31-2007, 01:39 PM	#6
50cents Greenhorn Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 16 Rep Power: 0	Does this make me a bad mother? You are doing the right thing for your daughter you have a stable and safe place for her you are planning for your future and you keep in touch with her and also you are blessed with a family that truly cares about you and your daughter fantastic!! good luck to you and your daughter and Merry Christmas to you all

10-31-2007, 01:39 PM	#7
murin Greenhorn Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 13 Rep Power: 0	Does this make me a bad mother? I feel if you want your daughter to have a healthy, stable childhood you need to make your home healthy and stable and bring her home. She needs her Mommy. If your relationship with her dad is so bad break it off. He can still be apart of his childs life. And stop fighting in front of your child (I know it's hard, but you know she shouldn't hear that). Bring your daughter home.

10-31-2007, 01:39 PM	#8
50cents Greenhorn Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 16 Rep Power: 0	Does this make me a bad mother? look as long as you are only doding this to better your life so that you can provide a safe and stable environment for her thats fine im a single mom with a 2 year old daughter too i have had no help and have been fighting to stay above water her dad is not even in the picture and when he was he did the same thing ... i charish every moment with my daughter and hate that i dont see her as much as i would like because she spends about 10 hours a day at the baby sitters but when i have her i make it count and you should too and when you can provide the right environment around christmass and the two of you have each other again the bad times will be well worth it and you can tell your x to back off you are doing the best you can and your best is always the right thing

10-31-2007, 01:39 PM	#9
Gorby Greenhorn Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 7 Rep Power: 0	Does this make me a bad mother? It's not about what others think. I think that perhaps you can work to get a big house for you and your daughter but al that matter is if she is happy. And you are blessed. I left a bad relationship right after I gave birth to my son. I would have been homeless after I left the hospital giving birth to my son. I was working with my son's father even after I left him it was hard and stressful but my mom took me in told me that if I'd quit my job she'd help me support my son while I went back to school to get my associate degree. I could have stayed with my son's father we'd have lived in a big house and my son would have a mother and a father, but he was selfish and emotionally abusive. People judge me about that saying I should have stayed, but I feel like I'm doing what is best for my son. Just keep God first and don't listen to people. My Dad used to say "Opinions are like butts everyone has them & they stink."

10-31-2007, 01:39 PM	#10
Gainer Greenhorn Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 19 Rep Power: 0	Does this make me a bad mother? I know it is so hard to work and be a single mum at the same time, It is ok to get help as in future your daughter will benefit from all of this, plus it only temporary not permanent so no i don't think you are a bad mum, you are looking into the future and seeing what could be Why cant you stay a few nights at your grandparents place, as you say it is only 45 min away and that you would be able to spend more time with your daughter and you might not feel as bad as you do You are doing what you think is right at the moment, don't worry everything will turn out alright and you and daughter can benefit from it all

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